College

I went to Chico State University. I had great roommates, one was my cousin. I was excited to be out on my own and do my own thing without having to answer to my parents questions. I had a wonderful boyfriend who would come up almost every weekend to visit, or I would go visit him. We never really did much because I figured I was just a home body.

When we did go out, I would get so nervous to talk to people, or have people look at me in a bar or a club. I would worry if my bf thought I was so boring and not as fun as the other girls having a good time. The truth is I wanted to be relaxed and have fun, I knew my feelings of uneasiness were irrational, I didn't want to care so much and just unwind and have a great time. The whole time we would be out, especially if with a group of people, I wouldn't be myself. The moment we got home, my insides would just relax so much and I felt like myself again. Anywhere i'd go where communication would likely happen with others, i'd get tense and panic. For NO reason. 

At this point in my life, the symptoms were starting to get worse. I would feel so tense my muscles would hurt, I could feel my heart race, I'd get clammy, weak, nauseous  and couldn't eat. The goal was always just get through this event. Anxiety, It is a fear of not controlling a situation, afraid of the unknown, a lot of "what-if" questions. It was like I was in my own world. But I never wanted to be like that, I always wanted to be the social one, the free spirit. It's like a prison in my own body.